Counseling Corner
The Counseling Corner is here to provide you with strategies for dealing with day to day issues.
Managing Stress and Anxiety
Let’s face it, the childhood and teen years are not the relaxed and carefree times that adults sometimes think they are. Stress is everywhere. Here’s the dictionary definition of stress:
A : a physical or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension
B : a state resulting from a stress; especially : one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium (balance).
SO what does that mean? Well, anything that causes us tension or knocks us off balance is stress. This can be world events, or close personal issues: Nuclear disaster in Japan? Stress. Got a new puppy? Stress. Big chemistry test coming up? Stress. Mom and Dad fighting? Stress. Thinking of asking someone on a date? Stress. Deciding what to do after high school? Stress. Receiving an award at an awards banquet? Stress. Worried about a friend’s drinking? Stress. Your best friend is mad at you? Stress.
Yes, the award and the new puppy will stress you out too! Stress does not come only from bad things, and stress is not all bad. The fact that our stress causes us tension and pushes us out of balance, means that stress can make life interesting and challenging. Often, what stresses us out, good or bad, can push us to make important decisions and get the best out of life. BUT, the same stress can push us into negative states of mind and bad decisions.
Example: “Wow, I am so stressed about my mom and dad fighting, and my friend is mad at me, and there’s that stupid test coming up on Monday- I’ll just get drunk and forget about all of it. “
Example: “I can’t pass this test tomorrow, she’ll never go out with me, life sucks, everything is terrible. I am not even going to try.”
But there are other positive alternative reactions to stress, and you do them all of the time, often without even thinking about it. Here are a few tips to help you manage the stress in your life and even use it to your advantage:
- Circle of Control. Close your eyes. Picture a large circle with a smaller circle inside it. Think of it as concentric circles- like the way circles appear in a pond when you toss a rock into it. There is a center circle where the rock hits and then the bigger circle goes out from there. The two circles represent your life. The small circle represents what you can control = What is INSIDE your circle of control. Everything outside that small circle is stuff you can not control =OUTSIDE of your control. Figure out what is inside your small circle and deal with that. Do what you can. Let go of what you can’t change or fix; or pass it on to someone who can fix it. Example: Maybe you are worried about a tornado hitting your house. Well, the possibility of a tornado is completely out of your control (weather is definitely in the big circle of no control), but educating yourself about how to prepare for severe weather emergencies is inside your circle of control. Get it?
- Talk about it. Who do you have in your life that you can talk to about things? Maybe you are lucky enough to have many people you feel safe and comfortable enough to talk to about your stuff. If you only have one person you feel safe to talk to, that can be ok too. If right now in your life you feel like you have no one to talk to, think harder. This trusted person can be a relative, friend, teacher, coach, school counselor? Sometimes we even pay someone to listen to us (AKA therapy) and that is ok too. Maybe that is just what you need at this time in your life. It does not mean you’re crazy; it means you’re smart.
- Prioritize. This is an obvious one that people often forget to do. Yes, you may want to do it all, but sometimes doing it all is just doing too much. As a teen, you can not always 100% choose where you spend your time. But take the time once in awhile to take a look at where you are spending your time and energy, and how that fits with what is most important to you. You may need to talk honestly about your stress level to parents and/or guidance counselors in order to make this work.
- Positive stress releases: What gets rid of stress for you? This is different for each person. Possiblities: physical activity, listening to music, playing with the dog, ???????? If you don’t have a positive stress release, you need to find one now.
- Change things that are bad for you. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Of course it is not that easy, especially for teens who have less power over things like money and living situations. But sometimes people accept things as they are, even when they are very bad, without trying to change them. It’s sometimes called fatalism- “it is what it is”. Well, here are a few alternatives to that kind of Eeyore thinking:
- Make a commitment to change (quit smoking, exercise, stop getting into huge arguments with dad) and do it. It’s very hard and requires work, motivation and sometimes mental and physical anguish. People quit smoking after 40 years, quit heroin habits, and leave bad long term relationships. You can do it too.
2. Be honest about your problems/stress/anxiety and ask for help. It can make you feel very vulnerable to ask for help. “What if people thing I’m a loser because I need help”, or “what if people think I am weak because I need help?” Anyone who thinks those things is immature and probably needs some help too- so stop letting them run your life. In truth, asking for help can often be the smartest and most courageous thing to do.
Remember, feeling some stress is a normal part of being human. But if you feel overwhelmed by stress and anxiety, please ask for help from your parents, school counselor or another trusted adult.
The counselors here at the Youth Agency are also available for questions or referrals for help. (860) 354-0047 or email (counseling@youthagency.org)
There are also confidential telephone hotlines for teens including:
- Covenant House nineline, (1-800-999-9999) a national youth hotline where you can ask questions and get advice.
- Kids In Crisis 24 hr confidential hotline (203) 327-5437.
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